Well folks, it would seem that the GoSmokies event this spring was really a deception. Our old pal Mike Maples set it up as a secret plan to sell his ill gotten comic book, “The Adventures of Chimney Man.” The idea for a comic book hero named Chimney Man was originally conceived by GoSmokies member Curtis Travis whose love of tall chimneys in the Smokies lead him to the idea of a comic book about a man who happens to come across a thirty foot tall chimney hiking off trail in the Smokies. The chimney falls on the man but does not kill him. You see this chimney is not really from the Smokies. It came from another dimension. You have now entered the Curtis Zone! So the man and the chimney fuse to become Chimney Man, super hero of the National Parks. Wherever there is a tourist less than 150 feet from a bear – you will find Chimney Man. Wherever there is scum digging up Lady Slippers – you will find Chimney Man. Littering in the Park? Not on Chimney Man’s watch!
Anyway, so Maples took this idea, hurried it off to the press and just in time for GoSmokies 10 – presto, he has a comic book! Oh Maples how can you look so smug?
I knew right away that this was not the real Mike Maples. It was his evil twin brother Mark Maples! You see, Mike Maples is a Cokeaholic. He would never be caught drinking a Sprite! And when was the last time you saw Mike Maples help with carrying coolers? Look at that evil face!
But they kept coming in unaware of the evil plot this Mark Maples had in store for them!
Even in the group photo this imposter Maples is lurking in the back. Another sign that this was not Mike Maples! We all know what a hambone Mike Maples is. He would never be in the back of a group picture!
Still, he went on with his ruse. He had studied his brother well and had many historical stories to tell.
The crowd assembled not knowing what was in store for them. They thought they were going to Hen Wallow Falls to enjoy a leisurely stroll with the Mountain Jedi.
Up the road they went. Even David Sands looked unaware of the evil plan that would soon unfold.
At one of Maples story stops, I confided in the man with the red shirt that I suspected trouble. I asked Dan to return to the shelter and radio the Park authorities that there might be some trouble in Cosby.
Soon Maples was taking us across a bridge; however, I had the eerie feeling that it was some sort of bridge portal to another dimension!
I think that David Sands was beginning to suspect that something was up when he decided not to take the bridge across the creek.
Sands and his young Padawon decided to take alternate transportation rather than follow this bogus Jedi.
Despite his efforts both he and this young innocent child were drug into this other dimension. I knew that we had to have crossed into the unknown void when I saw David Sands with a back pack on!
Still youthful innocence went on unknowing that evil lie waiting ahead on the path of doom.
He paused to speak with the group and presented further evidence that this was not the real Mike Maples.
He proceeded to turn the hike over to Gourley, and informed them to follow him to the lone grave of Jennifer Sutton.
He further told the group that Gourley would tell them the story about the grave, and then he took his place upon a rock overlooking the grave.
By now, I knew that this was not Mike Maples and had to come up with a plan to foil his evil plot!
Others walked about admiring a group of Lady Slippers and unaware of what was in store.
Maples even let Keith find an artifact along the trail. More odd behavior from the so called Mountain Jedi!
But this Maples was starting to slip up. Farther up the trail we come to the lone grave of Sallie Sutton where Maples pauses looking confused. He calls her Polly and stumbles over words as he tries to tell the story of the grave.
He tries to play it off with a smile; however, these two ladies look like they are starting to get suspicious too!
Maples begins to get nervous and in an effort to regain some credibility reaches for a Coke! But again he raises suspicion by bringing out a bag of apples rather than Cheetos!
Alas, Maples brings us to what appears to be Hen Wallow Falls.
It certainly appeared to be Hen Wallow Falls
David Sands decides to have a closer look
Looking around though, I noticed some strange flowers that seemed out of place like this rare Norwegian Jack in the Box Pulpit.
And this Belgian Cream Trillium
And then it happened! I looked below to see Mark Maples pulling out a stack of the Chimney Man Comic Books and begin his evil pitch. I had to save this Damsel in distress from the evil clutches of this bogus Maples.
I had to act fast so I grabbed my magic Growler and plunged into the waterfall!
I emerged from the waterfall my own super hero – Growler Mike! I opened my magic growler and from within it sprung a magical force that flew down upon the evil Maples replacement and turned him into a Salamander!
But then I changed my mind and turned him into a snake in the grass!
There was a sense of relief on everybodys face as the other dimension faded away and we were now at the real Hen Wallow Falls. David Sands seemed quite relieved!
We all relaxed and enjoyed our remaining moments at the falls. Once again good triumphed over evil!
We returned to the shelter and found Dan waiting with reinforcements. He was relieved to hear that none would be needed.
The real Mike Maples was found tied up in the back of an old car off Lower Mount Cammerer trail. He started to say something about a comic book idea he had thought of while tied up in the back of the car. Before he could get out another sentence, I had shoved a bag of Cheetos in his mouth! And they all lived happily ever after!
Thank you Eleanor and Bonnie for doing the real work in making these events happen! I love you both! Thank you everyone for coming out and letting us know that this event is still alive and well. We hope to see you again in the fall. It was a great hike to Hen Wallow Falls and a couple of single grave sites. Lastly, thank you to my brother Mike Maples whom I love dearly and yet can’t help but tease the hell out of! We all know what a wealth of knowledge he has and while I don’t think he has any comic book plans, he does have a couple books out and some more in the works. I think a few of the stories in them might have actually happened. Yodel Yodel!
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